Speaking Up: The Voice That Saved My Life

Speaking Up: The Voice That Saved My Life

*Trigger Warning - Self Harm, Suicidal thoughts, Abuse

Most of my childhood memories consist of me sitting in police stations, or in child minding court rooms. I grew-up very differently to a lot of my friends, I experienced child abuse through almost my whole upbringing. Before I was even a teenager, I knew what it felt like it be abused, harassed, and stalked by a person who I was meant to trust with my life.

When I started high-school, my social skills and behaviour were underdeveloped, and I acted way younger than my actual age at the time. I was also often pulled out of class to talk to police officers, psychologists, and sometimes even to go to court. Of course, this led to significant bullying from my peers. On top of my unstable household, I was failing school, getting picked on daily, and was experiencing mental health battles. I had also been separated from my two sisters, who were my only people I felt I had. 
The first time I had suicidal thoughts was in grade 7, when I was 13. Mentally, I was way younger. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to make friends, pass school, and attend a whole week at school without having to miss days for 'meetings'. 
I told my mum the truth about my struggles, and she immediately put me into extra therapy. Which was great for my health, but it meant I was missing more school which only made the problem worse. 
My mental health only got worse from there, and I met a girl who influenced me to do things my innocent self wouldn't have usually done. I kept my struggles to myself from then on, and it wasn't until grade 10 when it came crashing down. 
In grade 10 I had a planned suicide date. I was self harming and starving myself, whilst doing toxic habits. At this point, I had zero contact with my abuser, and in some weird way, it made me mentally worse to have zero contact with them. I was seeing a therapist 3 times a week, and getting bullied more than ever. Eventually I decided to be brave and share my suicidal plan. It was scary, and led to me getting scans in hospitals, extra therapy, and assistance at school, but it helped significantly. 
Now, I've recently graduated high-school and I haven't considered suicide since. Speaking up is the best thing I've ever done, it saved me from my abusive household, and my own mental health. You are never alone ❤️
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